Just a Friend
by RinnyRinRinArmy
Summary: A friend. I guess that's all I'll ever be to you. And even then, you'll probably find another girl to fall in love with and leave me behind. And that's why, to the you in front of me, I-
1. Rin's Side

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VOCALOID**_

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><p><em>{I swear I will stay by your side! Forever!}<em>

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><p>"-and then he slapped me! Can you believe that?" Miku ranted. I sighed and rolled my eyes. We were at my house, talking about normal things. I was never one to talk about personal stuff, but Miku is.<p>

She was talking about her crush, Len. The guy who I have a crush on. I know what you're thinkin, 'Oh, typical plot, I know exactly how this will end' Well no. The thing is, I wasn't even bothered by it.

"Miku, I'd slap you if you were talking non-stop about some stupid leek store." I said matter-of-factly. Miku looked shocked.

"But Rin~! They were so good! There was this one that had honey and-" Blablabla. And Miku went off to dreamland. Miku had always had this obsession with leeks. Just like me with oranges. And Len with bananas. No! I don't stalk him or anything!

See, he and I are the best of friends since forever and I know basically everything about him. Like his favorite game. That he doesn't like sport. That he hates being called a shota. That he sleeps with a stuffed-banana. That he-No! I am not a stalker! Oh, you weren't thinking that? Don't lie to me! I can read minds! I've... Err... Learned...Since... Um... Kindergarden!

"Miku, I'm pretty sure Len would prefer it if you were ranting about bananas instead of leeks." I said. Miku's face turned from excitement to, well, neutral. But then it turned to somewhat childish

"Aww! It's not fair! I'm the one who has a crush on him, yet you know so much about him!" Miku pouted and I laughed. Miku suddenly glared at me.

"Oh, Rin. Silly, little, naive Rin! I know it! I can see it in your eyes!" Miku turned into Sherlock. She pointed a finger at me, which I considered quite rude but whatever. "You! You're... In love with my crush, aren't you?!" Sherlock-Miku said.

I gulped. "WHAAAAT?!" I screamed on top of my lungs. My heart suddenly beat faster. I hate it when it does that. Heart, don't get involved with everything! Your job is to pump blood, that's it! I don't understand how love exist in the first place.

"I can see it in your eyes. They lit up when you talk about him. You know literally everything about him too!" Leek-Sherlock pointed out. I gasped dramatically.

"Miku, I'd never-!" I tried to defend myself.

Miku shushed me with her fingers and glared at me. Why was she glaring at little, 'young me?! A Miku glaring at you isn't awesome at all, ya know! Just sayin'! "Save it, Rin."

There was a full second of awkward silence before Miku fell to the bed, bursting with laughter. I had 'WTF' look on my face, while Leeky had a 'OMG-LOL-can't-believe-you-fell-for-that' look annoyingly set on her face.

"Rinny!" I barked. I hate nicknames-especially that one.

"Don't call me Rinny!" I glared at her.

"Uh, sure." She said, obviously not caring. She sat up and patted my back repeatedly. I, again, had a 'WTF' look on. "Anyway, I know you'll never stab my back. Especially over something like this. Not to mention, it's Len we're talking about."

If only Miku knew how right she was.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. Did she mean Len and I don't fit each other? I do admit I've never eaten bananas and oranges at the same time but still! Leeky can't even read minds!

"Oh, c'mon!" Miku said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You guys are horrible together! I mean, look at you two! You practically have the same face! It would be beyond disgusting if you two were to end up together. Don't you agree?" I guessed right. HA! See, I told you I can read minds!

"Sure." I replied automatically, my mood dropping by the second.

"You sound like you don't believe me." Miku told me.

Well, duh.

"What? N-No! I believe you! There's no way I like him a-anyway!" I smiled and gave Miku thumbs-up. It was so believable. Just kidding. I was so horrible.

"Rinny." Miku had a determined look on her face, ignoring my 'I-don't-wanna-be-called-that' cries. "I know you don't like him. Stop trying so hard, it's pathetic." I sighed and smiled patheticly-according to Leeky.

"Anyway, Miku-" I tried to change the subject.

"What's this?" Miku asked innocently. I turned to her.

"MIKU, WHAT THE FUDGE ARE YOU DOING?!" I turned and found Miku holding my red diar-JOURNAL. I quickly took the dia-JOURNAL away from her little, sneaky hands. Miku suddenly had a teasing look on.

"Ooh~! Rin, are you keeping a di-a-ry?" She said 'diary' so annoyingly I wanted to slap her so, so bad. But I was even more annoyed that she mentioned my FABULOUS journal as a friggin' diary so without thinking, I screamed on top of my lungs, "IT'S A JOURNAL, GODDANG! YOU BAKAAAAA!"

Big mistake.

"So you do have a book where you keep all your secrets, hmm~?" Miku smiled. A stupid smile that still made me want to slap her apparently-cute-according-to-guys face.

"That's a called a diary, NOT a journal!" I screamplained (scream AND explained at the same freaking time. Yes, I know I'm a genius, oh-ho, no need to compliment me.)

"Same thing." Leek said.

"It is NOT!" I defended. I mentally face-palmed at Miku's idiocy. I mean, pfft. A JOURNAL and a DIARY. HOW is that the same thing! It's different! Miku's such an idiot. But hey, that's why we're friends.

"Sure. Whatever." Miku rolled her eyes nochalantly. I smiled a little, knowing I won this fight. Normally this would break out to a fight between me and Miku-never serious, of course. Miku saw my phone and a sneaky smile formed on her lips. "I wonder what's on that phone of yours... Now that I think about it... None of us ever touched it."

And with that she snatched my phone.

"There's nothing there. I'm not a gossip machine like you, ya know!" I teased, stucking out my tounge. But Miku was looking at my phone with a disappointed look. I guess she just doesn't appreciate soccer, animes, and food. Coz' that's the only thing on my phone.

Miku turned her gaze from my phone to my red journal. She licked her lips, probably imagining all the secrets she'd find out if she manages to get my journal. Since I never talk about personal stuff on that red book. But no. I don't talk 'bout secrets on both real life AND on paper.

Coz' I'm just secretive and reserved like that. MUAHAHAHAHA!

"You know, Leek..." I started, a secretive smile on my face. "If you really want to know... I might bring the book to school tomorrow and if you get ahold of it, I might let you read it... Don't you want to know what's inside of it...?"

Doodles and pathetic drawings of soccer players with me rambling why I like them.

Miku smiled with an eye that totally said she'll take my challenge. So she and I just sat there, smiling and half-glaring at each other. For minutes that seemed like forever coz' my eyes were starting to hurt. But the silence broke down when-

TA-DUUUM*!

"Oh shoot!" Miku said suddenly. That noise was from her phone, a text message probably. "Sorry, Rin! Mom and dad said I'll have to go home now! Mikuo's coming! Ja~!" Miku said as she ran through my bedroom door. Mikuo is Miku's cousin. Miku's parents basically LOVES Mikuo so yeah. Poor Miku.

I turned on the TV. Time for mah soccer game. But after a few minutes, I realized I simply couldn't concentrate on the soccer game so I turned off the TV. I laid down and stared at my red book. I probably won't bring it tomorrow but, hey, a little teasing wouldn't hurt, right? I mean, it's not like Miku would blab about it to people who probably doesn't care anyway just to take my book, right...?

And with that, I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p>I woke up with a start. I heard something-or rather, someone knock on my window. I knew who it was, yet I pretended not to know. "Oh, my~! Someone knocked on my window! A thief, yes? Someone help me!" I exclaimed with fake anxiousness.<p>

"Rinny!" A squeaky voice was heard. A squeaky voice that most people would mistaken as a girl. The squeaky voice belonged to the only person I allowed to call me 'Rinny'

I laughed and opened my window to see Len's annoyed face. "Come on, you flat-chested actress!" Len insulted. He climbed the window and came inside my room. I hid my blush with my bangs and stared at my flat chest. It was actually a daily insult but ever since I found out about my feelings for him, I started blushing. "You jerk." I insulted back, sticking my tounge out.

"I don't get how you can still kid like that. The thief thing, I mean. What if I'm a real life thief? It's dangerous, you know!" Len grew closer to me, our faces inches apart. My face started growing red. "Wh-What would happen to me if you're gone..." Len whispered to my ear.

I quickly pulled away and fell to the bed. Len looked confused for a second but then he realized what he just said and his face grew red. "Y-You! I-I didn't mean it like that!"

I laughed at his idioticness-and denseness. Len turned around and shrugged. "-and I also don't get how you can laugh at something like that. Baka." He said just loud enough for me to hear.

"Hey!" This time I was offended. I pouted. "I won't make fun of you if I don't know you well." I said, the look on my face as serious as a serious plastic barbie doll.

"But you do know me well."

"Exactly. So I do make fun of you, Shota!" I laughed and jumped in bed. Len sighed. He was always the more mature one between the two of us.

I suppose you're confused, so I'll explain. It's been sort of a tradition for me and Len. Every morning, one of us goes to the other's house (get in using: windows), then go to school together. Except that I'm still on my pjs, so uh...

"Len, I'mma take a shower, so you just wait outside." I said awkwardly, holding the top of my pajamas. Len blushed and nodded as he went outside. I have a bathroom connected to my bedroom so yeah.

The cold water hit my face and I felt refreshed. I looked at my own reflection on the mirror-and glared at my flat chest. I grab a bundle of my blond locks. I suppose I do look like Len. But it ain't sinful, we aren't related or anything.

'Sides, it's not like either Miku and I have any chance with Len. He has a crush on Lenka, a cute girl with blond locks tied on a ponytail. I wasn't even surprised when I knew. I didn't cry, either. Don't ask me why, I too, don't know.

After done showering, I wrapped myself in a towel and stared at the mirror again. "To do the hair or to not do the hair, that is the question." I told myself. But then I messed up my hair. "F*ck you, hair."

I grabbed my clothes and put them on. I slipped my hairclips and wore my usual with bandana. I ran downstairs and saw Len smiling at me.

"Len, Rin! Breakfast!" My mom told us. Len and I ran to the table and I ate an orange bread, while Len ate a banana bread. As always. A flashback made it's way to my head and I laughed. Len gave me a glare but I ignored him.

"What is it, Rin?" He insisted.

"Oh, nothing." I smiled. "Just remembering when you and I first met."

Len nudged my arm a little. It was expected that he would. I didn't really had a good first impression. So when he and I first met, we played sumo and I kiiiiinda broke his arm and he was in the hospital for weeks.

But then, I apologized! Then we started playing together then before we realize it, we became friends. He dragged my arm and pulled me out of the house, saying, "Thanks, Aunt Lily!"

"Why did you pull me out?!" I glared at him.

"Rin!" He showed me his watch. "We're almost late!"

"AAAAH!" I screamed. "Holy moly, Mrs. Luka is totallly gonna kill us!"

So then he and I blamed each other as we ran to the school. He dragged my hand and guided me, since even though I was running, I was also tripping. I secretly smiled as I wondered if things would stay the same when one of us starts dating.

* * *

><p>"Uhh... Hello Rin!" Miku gasped as she noticed me. I flinched and shrugged. What was wrong with her?<p>

"I, um... Need to go to the bathroom now! Bye!" Miku said as she quickly ran. I, again, shrugged and grab her phone. Uh-huh, she dropped her phone while running to the bathroom. Totally random, right?

Ooh, Miku was texting some people. Wonder what she said.

**_To: All Contacts  
>Text: Guys, Rin's bringing her diary TO SCHOOL! If you wanna know her secrets, help me take it.<em>**

What the fudge?! Oh lookie, another text.

Wait... WHAAAT?! I nearly dropped the phone in surprise. I should've known Miku would do something like that. All right, that's a warning. I should be on alert all day. Waitt... It's not like I brought my journal anyway so... Nothing to be worried about.

Now... The other text.

**_To: Rin_**

**_Text: Rin, uh, this is awkward but, umm... I'm over Len. So fast? Shut it, you!_**

Eh? I put Miku's phone back to where it belonged, the floor. I took my own phone. Oh, there is that text. Stupid me for not checking. Oh well.

I opened my locker. I put my bag there. Lesse... 3rd period. I opened my bag to grab mah book. I took it.

... ... ...

WHAT THE FUDGE IS MY JOURNAL DOING IN THERE?!

I quickly grabbed it and eyed it suspiciously. Oh, here's a little something you don't learn in school. APPARENTLY BOOKS CAN SUPERNATURALLY GROW LEGS AND WALK TO WHERE EXACTLY YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO GO TO.

Very valuable lesson indeed.

I sighed. So I have to keep an eye on this book, huh. But nothing important is inside of it. Or what? Books can suddenly write on themselves too? Well, better save than sorry.

I shrugged and light-heartedly opened my red journal.

Hmm...

Soccer and me ranting.

Soccer and me ranting.

Soccer and me ranting.

Right. Nothing suspicious so far. Just me over-worrying.

Soccer and me ranting.

Soccer and me ranting.

A picture of me naked.

Wait, WHAT?

ASJCNSUJXHAICNSIAJNDOA! How the fudge did it get in there? Who took it in the first place?! Some crazy stalker who is obsessed with me and wants to play a trick on me? If so, then... I'M INNOCENT, TEI!

Hold on. I can just rip off the picture, right? All right, minna! Let's try.

...

IT DOESN'T WORK?! Now, seriously. Someone is deeefinitely playing a trick on me. What the heck did he/she used? I CAN'T EVEN RIP OFF THE PAPER!

I sighed and quickly put my journal back to my bag. I closed my locker and locked it. So I just have to keep my journal away from everyone. Easy. Piece of cake, right?

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><p><em>CAFETARIA<em>

"Hi, Rin. So, I was, uh..." Miku's voice trailed off. "Kicking a zebra and it's eye is on your locker. Can I have the key?" Miku asked with fake sweetness.

"No." I pouted, playing around with the oranges I had.

"What about me?" Gumi asked. Now, I knew she was nervous. Her eyes were too big and her smile was too wide. "What about you?" I asked back.

"See, I, ano..." Gumi trailed off, too. "My, um, frog died this morning. I was so sad I carried it's, uh, corpse to school. Then I tripped and it's in your locker now." Gumi tried. Poor Gumi. So sweet, so young.

"No." I said, finally taking a bite at my orange.

_GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM_

"Hi, Rin. Umm... What're you doing here?" IA suddenly came to me, her smile was so big she could swallow an elephant-no offense to IA, of course. I rolled my eyes. The rest of the girls were all changing their clothes for gym class.

"Changing my clothes for gym class, duh." I mentally face-palmed. IA looked confused.

*blink

*blink

"EH?! R-Right, sorry! How silly of me!" She said. She then fake-coughed and grabbed both of my shoulders like some serial killer. Person. "So, uh, where do you put your dia-I mean, journa-I mean, uh, book?" She stammered like an idiot.

"My bag."

"..."

"..."

"And where do you put your bag?!" IA glared at me.

"... My locker." I, again, mentally face-palmed.

"... Ah. I see." IA mentally slapped herself while saying 'Baka! Baka! Baka!' like a highschool girl. Waittt... She is a highschool girl. You know what? Forget I said anything.

"... So before I decide this is a pointless conversation, your point is...?" I asked. That might be rude to some people, but I really didn't want to waste my time talking with IA when I really should be shooting hoops.

"Can I get your locker key?"

"No."

_RUNNING CLUB_

"Yo, Rin." Gakupo, the gay, purple-haired "samurai" walked over to me. Just to be safe from his sissyness, I stayed a meter away from him.

"So, um, how's it going?"

Staying away just a hundred more meters won't hurt. As I tried to run away from him, he ran over to me-yet I still tried to avoid him. I succeeded. For a while.

However, after an hour, that guy managed to catch up to me. "Can I have your, uh, book?"

"No."

Kaito, a guy at least a year older came closer to me. "W-What is it, Kaito-senpai?" I stammered, eyeing him suspiciously. He studied me, eyeing every inch of of my body closely.

*slap

"H-HENTAI!" I blushed profusely. Was this guy trying to make fun of my flat chest? Well, I allow no one to do that-except for Len!

BAKAito coughed awkwardly and smiled at me as if he didn't just eye me like a stupid perverted idior earlier. "Rinny-"

*kick "NO ONE GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO CALL ME RINNY!" I pointed out.

"-R-Right. Where do you keep your bag, underclassmen-chan?" BAKAito said.

"..."

"..."

"You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm not even going to answer." I said with a poker face and walked away.

Kiyoteru, the student council president came over to me. "Rin, can I have your-"

I won't even listen. I knew what he was going to say, anyway. "No." I replied sternly.

Kiyoteru-senpai looked shocked. "W-What are you saying? I'm asking you to go to the teacher's room!"

"R-Right. GOMENASAI~!" I screamed as I ran away.

* * *

><p>I sighed as I closed the Teacher's Room's door. They asked for my dia-journal, too. I wonder how Miku even got the teachers' numbers... Well that tealette has her ways, I guess.<p>

I walked out of the school and began walking towards my home. I usually walk with Len, but he wasn't there near the school gate so whatever.

I saw Len walking from afar and ran to him. I was like, 4 meters away from him, all bubbly and happy, but that was when I heard it. That soft little whimper. The hand gestures he made.

Len was sulking.

About what, I didn't know. I didn't understand what to do, but I walked faster and then I was only a meter away from him. But he didn't even stop to look at me. So I whispered the only thing-only word-that was on my mind that second. "Len."

He stopped.

"What... Rin?" He asked, his voice so shallow and dark. His bangs were covering his face. I gulped. It was almost dark, so I could barely see his face.

"Me? What about you?!" I asked back, grabbing his hand. I softly punched both of Len's cheeks, forcing him to look at me. The moment our eyes met, I saw a tiny little shine of tear in his eyes. But he quickly averted his eyes.

"... Lenka rejected me." Len confessed. My eyes widened as a tiny gasp escaped my mouth. I had a weird sensation on my stomach-what was it? Jealousy? Sadness? Or maybe, happiness?

If you're in love with someone, they mean the world to you. You would go on such foolish, desperate measures just to get them to notice you. They bring the light to your eyes, the pink to your lips, and the, uh, key to your heart(?). They're that person who, in the end, you know you'll think about. They haunt your thoughts night and day. To me, Len's that kind of person.

But to Len, Lenka's the one.

"Breathe in. Breathe out." I whispered to Len-or perhaps, myself. I let go of his cheeks. The love of my life just got rejected by his love. What was I supposed to do, what was I supposed to... Feel?

"Oh, Len." I smiled softly, hugging him. "Did you really love her?" I asked.

"Yes. I... I did." Ouch. His words seemed to stab my heart like a sword stashing a carrot. But I can handle this. I know I can. I didn't cry when he told me about his crush, so now really isn't the time to.

Len sniffed. I put my finger on front of his lips and mumbled a, "Shh." I rubbed his hairs multiple times, trying to sooth him. Mom always did that to me when I was a little kid.

"Maybe she just isn't the one." I tried.

"But I.." Len hiccuped. "I really thought *hic* she was.."

Rain started to fall. The sky who was a brilliant orange just a few minutes ago turned into midnight black. You could hear the winds whispering, the frogs singing, but of course, the loudest of them all were rain drops. Falling to the ground with a 'thud!'

"Hey..." I said. I couldn't feel Len shivering anymore. I guess he calmed down a little. "No matter how many heartbreaks you'll go trough, I'll always be beside you to cheer you up." I nuzzled my nose against his and forced a smile.

Can I really finish it? It's not like I'm crying. Right? Right? No... No. This really isn't the right time. But...

**_[So there's this girl.]_**

.

.

.

Come on, Rin. Don't be a coward.

.

.

.

**_[Yeah, I like her. Lenka's the name.]_**

.

.

.

"As your _friend_." I giggled.

My own words rang on my ear. I'll always be beside you to cheer you up. As a _friend_.

That one particular word.

**_[-friend!]_**

**_[Coz' you're my friend!]_**

**_[We're friends, right?]_**

Why is it always a friend? Why? Is this guy really too dense to notice there's a girl waiting right here for him? Why am I even crying? I was tough enough to handle his confession, so why now? Why now of all the other times, damn it?!

Thank God it was raining. The rain drops hid my tears. My little tears mixed with rain drops. Mix 'em together and what do you see? A blue drop of water, why? Because there's no difference. Tear drops and rain drops are the same thing.

You can't tell when they'll start, when they'll end. You don't always know the reasons they fall either. Len pushed me away. "Thanks, Rin. I really needed that."

"Y-yeah." I whispered. "So, um, gotta go!"

"Why?"

"I just, uh, really need to run, all right?"

"Wha-Rin? RIN?!"

I didn't even listen to what he said after that. Or maybe the rain was too loud for me to notice. I could barely listen to myself think, and I wouldn't stop at anything.

* * *

><p>As soon as I got home, I ran to my room and closed the door quickly. I played a music from my phone. A loud one, so no one could hear my cries.<p>

Why did I fall in love with him in the first place?

**_[You know what, Rin? I don't care about those girls anymore. I'll just stay beside you.]  
>[Is it a promise?]<br>[Sure. I swear I will stay by your side. Forever!]  
>[Yay!]<em>**

That's right. It was that promise that started everything. My feelings for him grew larger and larger each day.

I wasn't even crying when he told me about Lenka. Now, suddenly, I am? Or are these just weird liquid coming out from my eye? It wouldn't stop, too.

Why did I even bother in the first place? Still, it's not like I chose to fall in love with him. If I could wish for anything in this world, my wish would probably be...

To have never _met Len._

**_[Hiya! I'm Captain Rin, The Sumo King!]  
>[H-Hello, Cap-Captain Rin..]<br>[C'mon, let's have a match!]_**

If only I've never met him, then there would be no false hopes. No forgotten promises.

There would be no need to mourn for him, or to cry for him. I would still be the super-tough Rin Kagamine I once was.

It's not like

**_[Su-ki da-yo!]  
>[Eh? What?]<br>[Just kidding! April Fools, Lenny~!]_**

My love isn't unrequited, after all.

All of those stuff I tried..

**_[TARAAA! Chocolates!]  
>[What for?]<br>[It's valentines, you baka! Eat them!]  
>[B-Blech! You monster! You're expecting me to finish this?]<br>[Ehe~! Well bear with me, Lenny!]_**

They were pointless.

Those memories we shared. Those jokes, laughter, and tears we shed. They're a big part of my life. But to you, they're just a distant memory from a friend.

**_[Huwaa!]  
>[Why are you crying?!]<br>[N-Nothing!]  
>[You're such a crybaby! Here's a tissue. Guys aren't supposed to be crybabies!]<br>[B-But I'm cutting onions!]_**

I guess now I'm the crybaby, huh. I'm such an idiot.

...

Tell me, Len. What's this throbbing feeling on my chest? Why is my heart beating so fast? Why do I feel like, no matter what I say, how I scream, no one will hear anything? What are these liquids pouring out of my eyes, not stopping? Why am I so desperately trying to grab an impossible dream which can't ever come true?

_**[Once upon a time-]  
>[Cut that nonsense, Rin! We're 12! We know already that fairy tales aren't real!]<br>[But I like them!]**_

I should've listened to you. Fairy tales aren't real. Happy endings doesn't exist. They only exist in fantasies, making little kids believe impossible things.

Experience isn't the best teacher.

Why do humans fall in love with different people? They experienced love, they get hurt by it. Yet, they fall in love again? Why? Do they want to get hurt again?

No. I suppose not. They simply took the chances.

This may work for thousands-no, millions of people but it doesn't for me. I fell in love. Yes, it was just a harmless, childhood crush at first, but as time changed, I began to notice different kinds of things.

One of them is how people tend to move on after a few months. So why doesn't it work for me? Why won't I move on? Why don't I notice other guys-God, there are a LOT of other guys in this world, so why him?

Why does it have to be him?

**_[Shota baka!]  
>[Flat-chested monkey!]<em>**

Why does it have to be my childhood friend?

**_[Gyaah!]  
>[What?! Rinny, what are you doing here?]<br>[I wanted to see you, so I came to your house using the window!]  
>[It's morning! We'll meet at school, anyway.]<br>[Let's just walk together to school!]  
>[Uh...]<br>[Hey, Len. Tomorrow, you come to my house, 'kay?]_**

Why does it have to be my partner-in-crime?

**_[We know it's you, Gakupo!]  
>[What did I do?]<br>[You... You stole-]  
>[THOSE EGGPLANTS FROM THE GARDEN!]<br>[WHAT?!]  
>[Yay! High five, Lenny!]<br>[Sure, Rinny!]_**

My love is unrequited from the start. But you know what, it's always nice to listen to lies when you already know the truth.

I knew I would get hurt in the end, yet I jumped. I knew my parachute wouldn't open to save me. Instead, I fell to the ground with a big 'thud!' But I could see everything else smiling, laughing. And they see me like I just fell from a bike, nothing more.

I knew he had always loved another, it was confirmed months ago. Yet I kept clinging to a false hope, whispering lies to sooth myself. So why am I crying? I knew I would get hurt, so why is this heart throbbing so bad?

So this is what heartbreak feels like. I don't get why do they call it heartbreak, it feels like every other part of my body is broken, too.

Len and I, we were a team. We would do everything together. So this stupid little love shouldn't get in the way of our friendship, right?

But to me, none of it made any sense. Len got rejected. Shouldn't I be somewhat happy? Well no. Not really. Instead, all I could see is black and white.

But... It's not like it was over, right? Len and I are still friends. So I still have the chance, right? Even though I don't have any hope of you liking me back, even though I know I'll always be just a friend, one day, I know I'll have to shout at you, "Don't leave me alone!"

Because one day, you're gonna do it. You're gonna find a girl-way, way better than me-and you're gonna love her. You're gonna cherish her. She's gonna haunt your thoughts night and day that you'll forget me.

For a second, my thoughts went blank. I opened my eyes and wiped my tears. I shut off the music and buried my face on my knees. Suddenly there was it-a sound ending the silence.

"*knock knock* Rinny~!" The sound of my window being knocked. The squeaky voice I had learn to love. But it couldn't be him, right? No, no, no way. I immediately jumped from my bed and opened the curtains.

And there he was, smiling brightly at me like an angel. The moonlight shone on him, making his feminine figure clear as the blue sky. All of it-all that throbbing on my heart started to hurt more as soon as I saw him.

No, no! Why is he here? He shouldn't be here! No, Rin! Don't open the window! You're gonna get hurt even more! So don't-!

I opened the window and he jumped in. "What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to fake a smile.

He lightly pinched my cheeks, an angry look set on his face. "Don't lie, Rin." He said my name in such a hard way it hurt.

"I know you were crying." His voice softened and he pulled me to a hug. Those throbbing in my chest hurt even more, knowing he only meant it as a friendly/don't-cry hug, nothing more.

Then he did one action that seemed to make the night a little better.

I felt something rough-yet soft on my forehead. Len kissed me. It was a soothing sensation. Kisses on the forehead, huh... I suppose it's better than nothing. He played with my hair, feeling me somewhat more relaxed, I guess. "Now... You're gonna tell me what's wrong, Rinny?"

"... Heartbreak." I mumbled.

"Huh...?" Len sound confused. "Hey! How come you never told me!" I rolled my eyes.

Len laughed, a laugh that seemed so shadowed and so far away.

"Well, this heartbreak seems a lot worse than mine." Len joked. Well, of course. He liked Lenka for months. I've him for years.

"So who's the guy?" He asked, smiling. "I have to go beat him."

"It's..."

**_[Boo!]  
>[Aaah!]<br>[Rinny, you scaredy cat! It's halloween!]  
>[I wasn't scared! Just surprised!]<em>**

"It's..."

**_[Hey, Len?]  
>[Hmm?]<br>[What would you do if I randomly tell you I love you one day?]  
>[Pfft-! Well, I know you'll never do that. But I'll probably be just surprised.]<em>**

"It's a secret." I laughed and pulled away. I sat on my bed and smiled softly at him. Len's face kinda grew red as he crossed his hands across his chest.

"Why'd you wanna know anyway?" I asked curiously.

"Ennh... Well, to beat him up. Like I told you before." He said matter-of-factly. But then he walked over to me and grinned. He ruffled my hair and brought his face to in front of mine. "But I'm also curious on what guy made _this_ Rinny cry."

This Rinny, huh... I wish he'd just say My Rinny instead of This Rinny. Still, I felt my face grew red as I pulled away. "...I'm still depressed." I informed.

"Oh, I know what'll cheer you up." Len grinned. "A marathon of horror movies. Tomorrow's a saturday, right?"

"Okay!" I brightened up. "My place or your place?"

"Your place. We're here already. Plus, Rinto has his friends over and blech-alchohol." Len made a disgusted face. Rinto's Len's brother.

"'Kay! C'mon! Race you downstairs!" I laughed and immediately ran out of the room. Len cried a 'That's not fair!', as always.

I know from his eyes, I'll never be anything more than a friend. I'll always be the plain, old flat-chested childhood/best friend. He'll experience lots of heartbreaks and I'll be there. As a f... F... Friend.

But it's okay. If he's happy, even if it's not with me, it's okay.

.

.

.

Sh*t, who am I kidding? Of course I'm not just fine with it! My heart is throbbing so bad. It hurts like hell. I don't like seeing him with anyone else! I love him! So, so much that it hurts.

They say if it's true love, then you'll be happy if he's happy-even if you're not the cause of it. Well that's bullsh*t. Just some random people trying to make unrequited love seem awesome or something.

But it's not like there's anything I can do.

I can't do anything, I can just sit there and comfort him, I can't be his type. So... What was I supposed to do? It's pathetic, I know. But in the end, all I can really do is wish I've never met him.

That night, he spent the night at my house. We watched horror movies together. Sometimes, I clung onto him. Other times, he clung onto me. On some very, very rare times, he and I both clung to each other.

On the ending of the last movie, Len was already asleep. I yawned as gazed at his sleeping figure. Only one thing came into my mind. As I said it out loud, the throbbing on my chest seemed to just go away. "Aishiteru."

My journal. It's filled with pictures of soccer players. And rants. But on a certain page, next to a picture of me naked, you can see the only diary page I've ever written.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear Diary,<br>_**

**_Should I start it like that? But isn't that mainstream? Should I just say, 'Dearest Friend'? But we aren't friends, are we? You know what? I'm just gonna go with the mainstream one._**

**_So today, I found out what I'll always be to the love of my life. A friend._**

**_It's not sad, since we're not strangers. But it's not exactly happy either._**

**_But I should cherish it, yes? I should cherish our friendship. And keep these feelings hidden on the deepest part of my heart. I'll lock it with a lock, and I'll give him the key. His choice, to open it or not._**

**_I'll always, and forever be, just a friend._**

**_But for now, I'm happy enough._**

**_ Rin Kagamine._**

* * *

><p><em>So, um, hello, I guess. Was this sad? Did this made you cry? I kiiiinda hope it did. Even MY chest hurts while reading this. Probably the saddest thing I've ever written. In both accounts. As usual, I do not own the pic. <em>

_PLEASE review! If you want, I might just make another chapter. From Len's POV. If you want, of course. If not, I'm actually somewhat satisfied with this ending. _

_But still. PLEASE review! _

_Signed,_

_Skye_


	2. Len's Side

_**Just A Friend**_

_**[Chapter 2]**_

* * *

><p>"<em>Hey, Rin." I called out to my blond-haired best friend. She turned to me, her aquamarine eyes lit up out of curiosity. I looked down, playing with my fingers a bit. "What would you do, if I, um, have to go away… or something?" <em>

_"Nothing." Rin faced upwards towards the blue sky. She threw the coin she was playing with earlier and I caught it. A bit of me was kind of pissed. "Hey, nothing? If you left, I'd-" _

_"You won't leave," Rin turned to me, her lips curled into a cheeky, teasing smile, "Because you and me, we're two sides of the same coin-two halves of the same whole. If any of us were to leave the other, I know both of us'd do anything we can to prevent it. And you know us, together we're unstoppable." _

_"Two sides… of the same coin?" I repeated Rin's words. Rin grinned and took both of my hands, guiding them to where, from our point of view, the coin sparkled. "Yeah, two sides of the same coin. I'm Enothing without you, you're nothing without me, we complete each other. We're incomplete without one another. Whatever harm will come our way, if anything threatens us being together, I'll crush them to pieces!" _

_"So that means… We'll stay together forever?" I unsurely looked at Rin, expecting some kind of promise. She answered my look by continuing to smile, eventually letting go of my hand and nodded. I threw the coin. It was up so high, neither me or Rin could tell where it'd end up. _

_"Yes, definitely!" _

* * *

><p>I blinked. Why was I remembering that now? It's a bit embarrassing, really, I mean, I'm a boy and yet she was the one making promises. Well, Rin is abnormal. Your usual sarcastic, sport-loving, actually-cute girl. And I, a quiet, weak, peace-loving boy.<p>

With that in my mind, I walked closer to Rin's window. I was about to knock, but noticed a certain teal-haired girl beside Rin. I didn't know Rin had company.

"So you do have a book where you keep all your secrets, hmm~?" I could hear Miku's high-pitched, squeaky voice. I peeked to see Miku smiling annoyingly and Rin with a face that definitely said she wanted to rip Miku open take out her insides.

"That's called a diary, NOT a journal!" Rin defended herself, her face tinted with a bit of pink and her lips curled into a pout. Really, she was so cute. Miku uninterestedly looked at her nails. "Same thing."

I found myself a bit interested in the conversation they were having. I mean, Rin and I, we were so close but she never did say anything too personal. She never had to talk about her family-I was sometimes there to witness it. Rin's friends were my friends-with the exception of Miku, so she never had anything to tell me about her friends. When I told her I have a crush on a girl named Lenka, all she did was smile teasingly and teased me about it.

If Rin were to have a diary, I'd want to see. I wanna know her secrets. But isn't that a bit cliche and mean? Rin wouldn't want me peeking at her heart. Still, knowing her, it's probably all about soccer and her ranting. That didn't stop me from wanting to know, though.

"You know, Leek..." Rin smiled secretively, "If you really want to know… I might bring the book to school tomorrow and if you get ahold of it, I might let you read it… Don't you want to know what's inside of it…?"

Miku smiled back, accepting Rin's challenge. The two just sat there smiling challengingly at each other. Wow. Girls are scary. Still, to be opening their eyes that long, doesn't it hurt? I shook my head. Based on my past experience where Rin countlessly beat me on our staring contests, Miku didn't stand a chance.

_TA-DUUM_!

"Oh shoot!" Miku said suddenly, taking her phone. What the heck was that noise? Was that her ringtone? That was one hell of a weird ringtone. "Sorry, Rin! Mom and dad said I'll have to go home now! Mikuo's coming! Jaa~!"

Who was Mikuo again…? I think Rin mentioned him at some point. Miku's brother? No… Cousin was it? Yes, cousin. Seeing Miku leaving in a hurry, whoever Mikuo was, he was definitely important.

Finally. Rin was alone. She turned on her TV. Watching soccer as usual, I see. I was about to knock when a muscular hand tapped my shoulders. I jolted in shock to see my big brother, Rinto, grinning at me as if he just won lottery. "If's just you, I see."

"Stalking your girlfriend, I see." Rinto teasingly said, the annoying grin not disappearing from his face. How-and why did he follow me here? I scratched the back of my neck. "Rin's not my girlfriend."

"But future girlfriend?" Rinto smirked, lifting one of his eyebrows. I shook my head.

"We're just friends. Besides, I have a crush on someone."

"I know, that Lenka girl who came to visit us last summer, right?"

"How did you-?"

"Just a guess." Rinto shook his head, "Why her, though? She's pretty, sure, but so is your childhood best friend. Actually, the two of them are pretty similar when it comes to looks-if anything, Rin's cuter. Their personality, though… True, I guess Lenka's a bit more like you-quiet, nerdy, bookworm-ish, but they said opposites attract, right?"

"I like who I like." I snapped, hoping my clever, observant big brother didn't notice. "You're not me, and unlike you, I was never one to judge based on looks. Like you said, Rin's my… childhood best friend. I can't just like her out of nowhere, that'd be awkward. _Also, Rin and Lenka are more alike than you think_."

I mumbled the last part quietly.

"Well, little brother," Rinto closed his eyes uninterestedly and ruffled my hair, "Come back after you're done stalking. Today's dinner is hamburg steak."

Before I had the chance to reply, Rinto was gone. I sighed. I was going to knock on Rin's window, but she was already fast asleep on her bed. Her lips were entangled in a cute pout as she twitched and changed sleeping positions. Was she having a nightmare, I wonder…?

Well, any longer, and I'd be a stalker for real.

"Goodnight, Rinny-kins." I whispered.

* * *

><p>"Len, I'mma take a shower, so you just wait outside." Rin said awkwardly, holding the top of hee pajamas. She was wearing a panda-filled, child-like pajama. What a kid. Still… If Rin were to take a shower, she'd have to be naked… Right?! I felt my face heating up. Fuck, this is no good. I quietly went outside.<p>

I could hear Rin's footsteps heading towards her bathroom. Damn, this is not helping. I tried to shrug off every image of Rin naked. The last time I saw Rin naked, was at kindergarten. I wonder if she's grown since then. She has to, right! But still… She didn't seem to grow.. But they say clothing can hide a lot...

LEN WHAT ARE YOU THINKING STO-

"Good morning, Len-kun."

"AHHHH!"

"My, my, were you thinking perverted things about Rin?" Lily suddenly appeared. For Rin's mother, that really wasn't anything for her to say. Lily was a stunning beauty. If Rin told me she was her sister, I'd believe her. "L-Lily-san! It's nothing like that, really!"

"Please wait until she's eighteen to do that, Len-kun, but if it's possible, please have a baby after marriage." Lily bowed her head, as if asking permission. For me to marry her daughter. And then have babies with her. _The hell_.

"Wha-! Lily-san, stop joking!" I could feel my face growing even redder. Lily returned to her former position and grinned teasingly. Seriously, for Rin to have a mother like that… I wonder if anything happened to her.

"Ah, I found this earlier, and I don't know what to do with it, but you can have it." Lily handed me a slip of photo. I took it, didn't notice the devilish smile on her face. The photo was facing down, so I couldn't look at it. "I'll prepare your breakfasts now. Later, Len-kun!"

"Y-Yes, Lily-san!" I bowed. Lily really had this sophisticated, maiden aura around her that just makes you want to bow and surrender everything to her. Scary. When I heard Lily's footsteps steadily growing smaller and smaller and eventually disappearing, I could feel my shoulders relaxing.

I looked at the slip of photo I had. Before I managed to turn it around, I could hear my phone ringing. I tried to take it from my pocket but then-

"EWW WHAT IS THIS STICKY LIQUID?!"

A sticky, glue-like-but not as sticky as glue, white liquid was all over my phone. What even- When did this- I blinked, hazily remembering the events the night before. We had dinner, and then Rinto took my phone, saying he needs it to 'exercise'

I shook my head. No, no, it can't be. Doing that on your younger sibling's phone…? That's just too fucked up! I finally managed to take out my phone and suspiciously cleaned it using a tissue that showed up out of nowhere for the author's convenience. My hands shaking, I checked my browser's history-

-and nearly fainted.

INNOCENCE! GIVE ME BACK MY INNOCENCE!

No, no scratch that. After seeing that, I feel like I lost my-

_VIRGINITY_! GIVE ME BACK MY VIRGINITY!

What the heck is it with Rinto?! That's a weird fetish he has! No, no, never mind that.

"WHAT KIND OF GUY M*ST*RB*T*S ON HIS LITTLE BROTHER'S PHONE, DITCH IT WITHOUT CLEARING THE HISTORY, WITH THE PHONE STILL COVERED IN HIS-?!" I gulped, trying to regain my composure. Remembering what I was gonna say, I wanted to hide under the covers of my bed forever. Ahh, this is no good. Rin must've heard me for sure.

Okay, whatever… Just… Check the text whoever sent me.

_From: GREEN IS THE ENEMY LOLOLOLOL _

_Subject: -_

_Body: Guys, Rin's bringing her diary TO SCHOOL! If you wanna know her secrets, help me take it. _

One, who the fuck is Green is The Enemy? Hm, remembering the song she sang at 4th grade, Rin probably came along at some point and changed Miku's name. Two, oh yeah, I should take a look at her diary while I have the chance to. It's probably nothing serious, anyway. Rin's not the type to write about her feelings and stuff.

I sighed. Anyway, I could finally take a look at that picture Lily gave me.

AHH! IT'S RIN NAKED! THANK GOD FOR MR. STEAM! Wait, is that her-AHHHH! COVER YOUR EYES, LEN! RIN'LL KILL YOU! Ahh… So clothing really does cover some-NO, LEN DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT LOOK!

I tried to hide my flushing face. Honestly, there's something wrong with Lily! So apparently mothers give out pictures of their naked daughter to boys. Or wait… Does Lily not take me for a boy! Wh-Whatever! This picture of Rin… Can not, absolutely not get out. I'll have to return this to Lily as soon as I can.

At least they aren't like Rinto's 'materials'.

I wonder if I'll grow up to be like Rinto.

...

Hilarious. Was I joking on my own mind?!

I shook my head and stuffed the photo to my pocket. I'll return it to Lily after I take a look at Rin's… journal.

I quietly opened the door, careful enough not to do so so obnoxiously loud that it'd alert Rin. I could still hear the shower running. How much time has passed, again? Did Rin really take a shower that long, or was it just me thinking time passed by quickly? I shook my head and searched the room for a suspicious-looking book.

An expensive-looking, red book. I didn't think Rin owned anything like that. I opened it.

Soccer and Rin's rants.

Soccer and Rin's rants.

Soccer and Rin's rants.

See, I was right! Oh man, this won't do. This is just too boring, really.

I blinked.

I do have a picture of her naked… But I definitely can't let anyone see it! No, no, no one is allowed to see my precious Rinny naked! But if I monitor her the whole day, then… It should be okay, right?

I took out the picture. Fuck, I put it on the wrong pocket, it's all covered in-

Wait, wait, but then, no matter how you see it, this is just perfect, isn't it? It'll be okay, if I monitor Rin the whole day. It'll definitely be okay.

* * *

><p>"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Gakupo, and then Kaito?! You have the worst luck, Rin!" I mumbled to myself as I put some potato chips to my mouth. I was at the rooftop, making sure no one actually manages to get their hands on Rin's journal. I could see Rin's face annoyed as hell. I wonder if I've gone a bit too far with my prank.<p>

I… I'll make sure to apologize to Rin later.

Just as I was about to grab another potato chip, I could feel another hand searching for potato chips. Wow, I know the amount of time I don't have a girlfriend equals my age, but to imagine things that happen in shoujo manga happening to me in real life… What a joke.

*_touch touch_*

Ehh?

*_pinch pinch_*

Fuck, this is real. And this hand is very rough.

*_slap_*

"OIOIOI, AFTER YOU REALIZED IT'S REAL, WHY STILL SLAP IT?!" An annoying, masculine voice complained. I pouted and turned my head to see the mad face of Rinto. "Because I know it's you, stalker."

"Talking as if you're not stalking your friend-slash-childhood-friend-slash-future-girlfriend-slash-friends-with-benefits-slash-already-dating-in-secret-maybe-slash-master-slash-puncher-slash-"

"Stick to friend, please. You said so many things I lost you in the middle of it." I sighed. "I'm not stalking her, I'm making sure no one manages to take her soccer journal! Thanks to a photo Lily gave me and your-err… liquid… I managed to stick a naked Rin inside the journal. If anyone takes her book and sees it, she's screwed!"

"Stick to friend? Just friends? Say that to your future self, not me." Rinto grinned. "Oh, that's right, did I forget to clean your phone before putting it back inside your pocket? Well, mistakes happen, life's hard, move on. Also, so that means you saw her naked, right? Bad Len. Talking as if she's that important to you, but allowing your virgin, dirty eyes to see her pure body. And if you don't want anyone seeing her naked, why do the prank in the first place?"

"I'll never ask Rin out. That's something I know for sure." I looked down, but quickly looked up again, remembering how observant Rinto was. "Besides, knowing Rin, she'll never say yes. She loves oranges a lot more than she likes me. Ignoring the fact that you left all that on my pocket, I see. I swear if you reach out and rub around, you'll still find hints of sticky unknown things there. I didn't see her naked, I turned around as soon as I noticed she was naked."

That's right. I did not see Rin naked. My face is also red simply because of the weather.

"When you put it that way, it's like if there's a chance Rin'd say yes, you'd ask her out."

"..."

"Just kidding." Rinto laughed.

Fuck my brother and his humor.

"You didn't answer my question, though, little brother." Rinto smiled curiously-or rather, maliciously.

"Why did you even do the prank in the first place?"

"That-I…" I sighed.

"I just wanted to see her reckless side… You know? Her feminine, vulnerable side." I averted my eyes. "…Not that I managed to see any of that. She's still the same as ever. Ahh, how did I even think I'd get to see her like that. I wonder if she'd keep acting as if she has a penis till the day she kicks the bucket."

"See, you're acting more and more as if you're in love with her."

"I'M NOT!"

"Oh yeah, I'll have friends over tonight. Don't come home if you don't want to see your precious onii-sama drunk."

"Who's a precious onii-sama…" I shook my head. "What do you even do when you're dru-"

No, no, remembering what he does when he's not drunk-*_hint hint* my phone *wink_*-I really don't want to know.

"Well, I'm off to do my club activity. See ya."

"Club? You joined one?"

"Trust me, you do not want to know."

Rinto grinned at me as he started exiting the rooftop. Remembering his last words, I shuddered. Rinto really was like some sort of maharaja or something. He really was good-looking, good at sports, manly-using Rin's words, a real guy. I'm sure Rin'd like someone like him.

Thinking about Rin again… This is really bad.

_The person I like… is Lenka. _

I shook my head.

Like wasn't the word.

It was more like… Adoration. Something you feel towards a 2D character. Someone so close-or maybe, exactly your ideal type of significant other. However, also someone you don't feel anything real for.

I blinked.

As if called, the door to the rooftop opened with a soft click.

"I-I'm sorry, didn't know anyone was here!" A sweet, feminine voice interrupted my thoughts. I turned my head to see a pretty girl with long, blond locks tied into a ponytail, her aquamarine eyes staring apologetically at me. I turned my head to it's original state. "Ah, well… You're welcome to join if you'd like… I mean, maybe… I think."

Lenka hesitated before slowly walking towards the spot Rinto was at earlier and then sitting down there. She stared at my bag of chips and so, I handed some over to her and she took them, saying thank you.

"What are you doing here, Len-kun?"

"I… have nothing to do… Sort of."

"Ah, but I heard you're very busy. So for you to do something like this… There must be something important."

"Heard?" I turned to Lenka before grabbing some chips. "I don't know what you heard, but I'm not busy at all. And no, no, there's nothing important, really!"

"Oh…"

"Mnn…"

An awkward silence.

"A-Anyway, how was that project our parents were working together on?" I tried to give a subject, averting my eyes. When Lenka came over last summer, it was because our parents had to work together on a collaboration. Lenka scratched the back of her head. "I-It turned out good! I think!"

"H-How is your club… Len-kun?"

"I don't join any club.…"

Our attempts to break the awkward silence were utterly depressing.

"R-Right…Sorry" Lenka blinked and looked down before looking at me again.

"A-Anyway… You're with the Drama Club, right? How is it?"

"Um, it was cool! Great, I mean! Our last play was Pincchio, and quite a lot actually watched our play!"

"I think you mean Pinocchio…"

"No, it's Peter Pan. I remember now."

"THAT'S TOO FAR!"

"It's the one where the girl wears a glass slipper right?!"

"THAT'S CINDERELLA!"

"A-Ahh…"

"SO PINOCCHIO, PETER PAN, AND CINDERELLA! WHICH IS IT?!"

"N-Neither?"

"Wah, whatever, I don't care anymore." I sighed and averted my eyes.

Another awkward silence.

"N-Ne, Len-kun…"Lenka said, fiddling her fingers. "Do you… have someone you like?"

"Yeah… Yeah, there's someone."

"I-It's Rin-chan, isn't it?"

I turned to Lenka. Why was everyone trying to get to know about me and Rin today?

"N-No… It's not."

"I-Is that… so." Lenka said, scratching her cheeks. I peeked a bit at her face, and damn, she really was cute. Her cheeks tinted with a bit of pink was as though to compliment her already bright eyes. Her blond locks were very long and seemingly soft. I shook my head and closed my eyes,

_And then, instead of Lenka, _

_The one sitting next to me was Rin._

"Hey, Lenka." I whispered softly. I didn't think Lenka actually heard her name called, but she felt like she did, and she immediately tensed up and leaned closer to me, prepared to listen to what I was going to say.

"What'd your answer be, if I were to ask you to go out with me…?"

* * *

><p>A brilliant orange.<p>

That was the color of the sky when I walked outside the school gate. A couple of cats passed by me, licking each others' fur. At the same time, a couple accidentally knocked me over. Right when I reached the school's turning point, a dog growled at me and me took my bag of chips, as if mocking me for my efforts.

**[I, um… At first, I'd be surprised, of course…] **

**.**

**.**

**. **

**[But if I had to give an answer, well...] **

Getting rejected hurts.

I watched this sort of thing in movies, read about them in comic books, and I've always thought people were a bit overreacting when they portray heartbreak. I still thought they were overreacting. Love is just an excuse for lust. It is merely an electrical bug in the human neural circuit. It's a lie; an excuse for people to do what they want.

At least, that was what I told myself as I shrugged off the stinging feeling in my chest.

My feelings for Lenka were idolization, not-how people would say it- "real"- I guess. It's like when you see someone charming, you feel like you want to enter a relationship with that said person. But really, loving someone, loving the idea of someone, heck-loving the idea of loving someone are all completely different things.

_So why do I feel like this…?_

"Len."

A sharp, demanding voice.

I stopped.

Ah, that's right. I forgot to wait for Rin today.

"What… Rin?" I asked without turning around. Darn, that came out harsher than I intended to.

"Me? What about you?!" Rin demanded, grabbing my hand. She cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look at her. At the sight of her bright, sharp, deep aquamarine eyes, I blinked back tears I didn't notice were there.

I hesitated for a second and averted my eyes. How should I tell her…? For some reason, I couldn't really voice out my rejection, and why was I so bothered. I mean, at the time me myself didn't understand. I averted my eyes. "…Lenka rejected me."

She deserved to know that much.

Rin's eyes widened as she gasped. Was it really that surprising? Her eyes were clouded with emotions I couldn't really quite grasp. She let go of my cheeks. "Breathe in. Breathe out."

"Oh, Len." Rin smiled softly. I flinched. Rather than softly, she looked forced. With multiple expressions jumbled on one another, Rin wrapped her arms softly around me, yet I couldn't bring myself to hug her back. Even though I didn't understand, only one thought was swirling around my head.

_Why does Rin so look hurt…? _

"Did you really love her?"

I blinked. How was I supposed to answer? I guess, for the moment, I'd have to say,

"Yes. I…I did."

Rin's eyes froze for a second, but she softened them again. Her lips trembled softly, as if about to cry. She shook her head, putting her thoughts aside and shushed me. And then she rubbed my hair multiple times. Her touches were warm and comforting. Unlike Lenka, with Rin, I felt like I could really be me. With Rin, it felt right.

"Maybe she just isn't the one."

"But I… I really thought she was."

Another lie.

Why can't I just be honest and confess how I feel?!

I blinked as a drop of rain fell down and wet my nose. Was it raining? When did it started raining, anyway? I didn't notice, or rather, I didn't care enough to notice. Being a bit more observant to my surroundings, I finally noticed the darkened sky, the puddles appearing, and no one in sight.

"Hey…" Rin whispered.

_What did Rin mean to me…? _

Ever since we were little, Rin's always been protecting me. She stayed by my side, no matter how many times I idiotically mess up and cause trouble for her. She comforted me when I was down, and challenged everyone who saddened me.

"No matter how many heartbreaks you'll go trough,"

_If someone were to ask me,_

"I'll always be beside you to cheer you up."

_What did Rin mean to me, _

"As your friend."

_I'd… _

I blinked. Rin suddenly froze. Her bangs covered her eyes so that I couldn't see them. She looked so destroyed, so hollow. She was right in front of me, but I felt like she was in a whole other dimension. To the Rin in front of me, all I could say was-

"Thanks, Rin. I really needed that."

"Y-Yeah." Rin suddenly looked alerted, as if she was in a hurry. She forced a smile, as if she was in so much pain. "So, um, gotta go!"

"Why?"

"I just, uh, really need to run, all right!"

"Wha-Rin? Rin?!"

I reached out my hand to try and catch Rin, but she had already run away.

I blinked.

Drip. Drip. Drop.

Ah. So it really was raining. The rain softly wet my nose. Soon, it wasn't just my nose. I cursed at every tear that dared to fall. Crying in the air, huh. I gritted my teeth. One of my most hated clichés. I clutched my heart. Why did it hurt so much more than before...?

"Look at you, little brother."

Noticing Rinto was there, I quickly wiped my eyes and turned my head upwards. Not…That way. Whatever. Trying to sound as uninterested as possible, I said, "Thought you have friends over."

"And I thought you didn't like Rin."

"I don't."

"You're right," Rinto unexpectedly said, and I couldn't help but widen my eyes and turned my head towards him, "It's something much, much more than that."

"You know, at first I thought it was strange 'n all. The fact you like Lenka, I mean." Rinto said. "But now that I think about it, it does make sense. You said Lenka and Rin are a lot more alike than I think. They are alike, and that's why you use Lenka."

"Wha-"

"You pretend Lenka is Rin, so you can keep your hands off Rin."

"…"

"Rin is an existence that means so very much to you-much, much more than your own existence." Rinto put his hands on his pocket. "You'd do anything for her. To see her smile, to keep her happy, even if it was all on her mind. All you want to be, is someone who can be beside her and keep her happy at all times. Not someone important to her. Not someone who can hurt her."

"…"

"But you just had to fall in love with her." Rinto closed his eyes. "Unlike most people, you think ahead. You think what your actions would lead to. You calculate everything, never leaving it to fate. You knew that if you couldn't contain your feelings, it'd hurt Rin. Whether she feels the same way or not, well, you think love isn't real-or rather, you keep telling yourself that."

"You tell yourself love is simply an error, an excuse for lust, a bug; something that wouldn't last forever." Rinto opened his eyes. "Regardless of whether or whether not Rin feels the same way, you think that in the end, she'll get hurt no matter what. You don't want that. You want to keep her by your side, pure forever."

"You confessed to Lenka, and got hurt by her rejecting you, because well, in your mind you really weren't confessing to Lenka, you were confessing to Rin. Lenka probably knew that when you confessed to her."

Rinto was right.

So right I couldn't say anything for myself.

I only wanted to be beside Rin forever, to never grow apart from her. To be able to see her smile and never, ever hurt her. I… didn't understand what the fuck that emotion was, neither did I care.

"Stalking me the whole day? How very protective, Rinto." I only managed to let that out. Rinto smiled as if saying, it can't be helped. He took out a cigarette candy and put it in his mouth. Sighing, he lightly pushed my back. I turned to him. "Well, not that it was business or anything."

"Just chase after her, dumbass."

* * *

><p>I stared at the window in front of me. I rubbed the wooden frame of the said window and closed my eyes, recalling how nervous I was the first time I went here.<p>

**[Ack! Why did I just follow her! I could've just went to school and meet her there!] **

**[Len! I knew you'd come!] **

**[R-Rin! You're still in your pajamas!] **

**[What?! Does that mean you want to see me without pajamas?!] **

**[Huh?!] **

**[Does this mean you want to do it with me? I'm sorry, thank you, but no.] **

**[J-Just shower already!] **

No, this wasn't the time to recall memories. I gently knocked on her window.

"Rinny~!"

After a few seconds, Rin finally opened her curtains. Her eyes widened, seemed as if she didn't expect me here. Although I was slightly trembling, I tried to smile. Rin opened her window and I jumped in.

"What are you doing here?" Rin asked, her smile bigger than her face and faker than counterfeit money. Her eyes were all groggy and red, probably from all the crying earlier. Her eye-bags made her look as if she was just woke up.

This idiot.

I squinted my eyes and pinched her cheeks.

"Don't lie, Rin." I said and then pulled Rin to a hug. She was shivering. Maybe it was from the cold, maybe she was scared, I didn't know. I closed my eyes. Her hair smelled sweet and fruity. Although she's not, err… Full, she was so soft and warm. I wanted to hold her like that forever. "I know you were crying."

Rin looked up to me, her aquamarine eyes trembling with uncertainty. Rin was usually always so energetic and bouncy. Happy-go-lucky. But the Rin in front of me was so fragile and innocent. I couldn't help myself as I softly pressed my lips on her forehead. Seeing her a bit more relaxed, I playfully twirled her hair.

"Now… You're gonna tell me what's wrong, Rinny?"

Rin averted her eyes. "Heartbreak."

I froze for a second. So Rin really did have someone she liked… I guess it's really normal, her being on high school and all, but I just never even considered it this was such a shock to me. How come she didn't tell me until now? Was she that indifferent about me?

"Huh?" I managed to croak out. I immediately let out an idiotic face and scratched the back of my neck. "Hey! How come you've never told me?!"

Rin rolled her eyes. I should've be happy I wasn't important to her. After all, someone who isn't important to you can't hurt you. I let out a forceful laugh, and Rin let out a forceful smile.

"Well, this heartbreak seems a lot worse than mine."

_That wasn't what I meant to say._

"So who's the guy?" I forced a smile, "I have to go beat him."

Rin seemed stoned in place. She looked as if she was having a debate with herself whether or whether not should she tell me. With every passing second, I felt like my own smile was killing me. Seeing the torn up Rin in front of me, all I could think of was tear off the jaw of the person who made Rin cry, while I worked myself to death just to make her smile.

"It's..."

_What was Rin to me? _

**[Well, even if you're scared, your knight will aways come to the rescue!] **

**[Yeah right, go try actually beating me first!] **

**[I-I did, that one time!] **

**[That was at a game, it doesn't count!] **

"It's…"

_Facing the question I had repeated to myself for a billion times, _

**[Then, what would you do if I started dating?] **

**[Why are you asking that? Did someone confess to you?] **

**[No…! I was just curious, 's all.] **

**[I… If you started dating, I guess I...] **

**[Hm?] **

**[I guess I'd have to live with that.]**

"It's a secret."

_I couldn't pretend not to notice anymore. _

Rin laughed and pulled away. She sat at her bed and smiled softly at me.

I only wanted to be beside Rin forever, to never grow apart from her. To be able to see her smile and never, ever hurt her. I… didn't understand what the fuck that emotion was, neither did I care.

**[Well, you don't have anyone else willing to accept this, right?] **

**[H-Hey! Remember it's giri chocolate! GIRI CHOCOLATE!] **

**[Uh-huh. Anyone wanting to get the other type from you is insane.] **

**[!]**

Or rather, I pretended not to. Who was I kidding? I love her! I want to be the most important person in the world to her! I don't ever want to see Rin with anyone else! She's mine! No one is allowed to take her precious smile away from me!

"Why'd you wanna know anyway?" Rin asked curiously, moving her body forward to get a better view of my face. Seeing her eyes all puffy and red from crying, her trembling lips and her little, precious expressions that said she had already given up, I knew I couldn't stop her from falling for anyone.

_But it didn't matter. _

"Ennh... Well, to beat him up. Like I told you before." I said and walked over to Rin. I ruffled her soft hair and grinned. I brought my face close to her.

_No, none of it mattered anymore. _

"But I'm also curious on what guy-"

-took my Rin away.

"-made this Rinny cry."

"…I'm still depressed." Rin pouted.

"Oh, I know what'll cheer you up," I forced a grin, "A marathon of horror movies. Tomorrow's saturday, right?"

"Okay!" Rin's eyes sparkled like the collar on Rinto's dog. "My place or your place?"

"Your place. We're already here. Plus, Rinto has his friends over and blech-alcohol." I pictured Rinto's drunken state and nearly puked.

"'Kay! C'mon! Race you downstairs!" Rin laughed and ran out of the room. I blinked and before hurrying after her, cried, "That's not fair!"

_That's right, it didn't matter anymore. _

I'm okay if Rin were ever to fall in love with anyone. I'm fine with being the lonely friend-zoned guy everybody feels sorry for. I'm all right if I had to see Rin dating someone happily right in front of me. As long as I'm able to be by her side, even if it's just as friend, I-

**[Come on, let's go, let's go! We're almost late!] **

**[Let us be late! Better yet, let's not do it at all!] **

**[Len~! you promised we'd watch Evil Chronicles together!] **

**[I promised to accompany you here!] **

**[That's not fair!] **

**[But look at it's name! Sounds like some kids show or something!] **

**[It's not! It's live-action.] **

**[That doesn't make it an adult's movie!] **

Rin gleefully started taking out CD boxes and sorting out the horror ones. She occasionally turned to me to ask if a movie's worthy enough. Just by seeing her blush, turn blue, or green, or red, I could already tell the movie she was looking at.

Still trying to lie to myself?

_Of course it matters, idiot. _

…Or so I'd like to say.

Seeing the smiling face of my childhood friend, I decided I didn't have to think about this kind of stuff yet. We could still play and joke around without a care in the world. If I could still stay by her side and see her smile, what was I complaining about?

I'm sure we'd stay forever like this, mess up along the way a few times, get scolded, get mad at each other, and then repair our broken bonds. Again, and again. Maybe we'd fall in love with different persons, or maybe I'd stay like this and it turns out she felt she way and we'd start dating. Ah, that's probably impossible, though.

If our pure friendship got stained with love, I wasn't even sure we'd start dating. Maybe we'd still be the way were. We'd tease, fight, make up… Only this time, we'd kiss, and hug, and hold hands-Oh wait, we already do that sometimes. Holding hands and hugging, I mean. We'd tell people we were friends, then laugh when they get confused when we kiss.

I turned to Rin who was now gripping my shirt tightly, scared. Her eyes were still red, and her cheeks were still all puffy from crying. Her eye-bags were there, and her lips trembled as she continued to watch the movie, occasionally gasping and biting her lower lip when something scary happens.

I decided I didn't want to see the broken Rin ever again. I decided, since she has always been protecting me, I'd be the one to protect her. I'd get rid of anyone who messes up with her, or dare let her eyes shed tears. Maybe leaving stuff to fate is okay once in awhile. What our relationship was… I decided I didn't care. I'm fine if she found someone else and started dating the said person. I'm fine with her not finding anyone and stays this way forever. I knew it was selfish of me, but I didn't care.

All that matters is we'd stay this way forever, be it as friends, lovers, or anything else.

_As long as she's by my side… _

_I'm okay with anything. _

* * *

><p><em><strong>OKAYY! HOW IS IT! So we finally find out Len's feelings. In case you haven't noticed, some of Len's flashbacks are the continuation of Rin's flashbacks. I think there are some parts that're a bit confusing 'n all, so if you have any questions, please drop a review or PM me! Also, I need to know, which is better, MikuXKaito or MikuXMikuo, so please tell me that, too! <strong>_

_**On a side note, any Sket Dance fans out there? If you are, and if you love BossunXHimeko, and you want to know or already know the ending, check out Chocolatesaregood's profile! That's my other account! I ranted **_**a little bit **_**about Sket Dance there! Can't help myself! **_

_**Don't forget to check out my other stories! I mainly write about Vocaloid and Fairy Tail (on my other account)! Please follow and/or fav if you enjoyed and don't forget to leave a review! **_

_**Thanks for reading! **_

_**Skye**_


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